'El Oso' Works With A Different 12-step Program

In the first season of BearCarmy’s attendance at Al-Anon meetings is a significant but minor subplot, culminating in his unsteady, disjointed 7-minute appearance in the season finale (“Braciole”). Carmy (Jeremy Allen White) centered his involvement on his relationship with his older brother Mikey (Jon Bernthal), the family drug addict who died by suicide. Carmy confesses to his fellow meeting organizers that he was shocked by his brother’s addiction:

“I didn’t know my brother was using drugs. What does that mean? As we got older, I realized I didn’t know anything about him… really.”

Carmy, wide-eyed and drooping with guilt and shame, is dealing with the typical paranoia of Al-Anon members: that everything bad that happens is somehow her fault.

Carmy’s self-pitying tone could be misinterpreted as martyrdom. But, if someone is working the show correctly, the main goal is self-forgiveness and “getting back to parenting,” since most of the members come from loud, chaotic, insecure homes. That chaotic upbringing has settled into Carmy and her sister, Natalie, aka “Sugar,” and into every kitchen Carmy has ever worked in.

As an active member of Al-Anon and its sister program, Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA), that was my experience. But even writing that makes me feel like I’m not taking any personal responsibility and that I’m blaming my parents for everything. Am I just a 50-year-old kid who pees his pants and can’t regulate his emotions, especially around my family? Absolutely! However, I can only take personal responsibility by attending ACA meetings.

Furthermore, Al-Anon is a program that many civilians who don’t follow the 12 steps assume is a shortened version of the main drinking-related program, Alcoholics Anonymous. (It’s certainly possible to be in both (I am), but they offer completely different methods of healing, even though they follow the same 12 steps.)

But seeing Al-Anon front and center in a program as popular as Bear It was an exciting development to see 12-step programs portrayed in movies and on television. (When I texted another Al-Anon member about Carmy’s rambling monologue scene, we both mentioned that you could tell it was a scripted TV show, since it would never occur to him to appear for seven minutes as a newcomer; it’s a terrible breach of etiquette.)

The 12 Steps have become a shorthand narrative way of showing a character’s pathetic downfall. AA is so ubiquitous and well-known that it frequently appears in animated children’s films. (The first one that comes to mind is Wreck it Ralph when, in an early scene, the eponymous character is at a basement meeting of “Bad Guys Anonymous,” who even had their own version of the serenity prayer. Toy Story 4 (Does something similar.)

Yes, Mikey’s death affected Carmy and her sister Natalie terribly, but it’s not until the second-season flashback episode “Fishes” that we get a true sense of the enormity of the inpiduals guilty of causing the Berzatto children pain. (Bernthal received an Emmy nomination for his role in this episode, as did Bob Odenkirk as the menacing “Uncle Lee.”)

But it isn’t long before it’s revealed who is primarily to blame for the Berzatto children’s emotional trauma: their mother, Donna. Jamie Lee Curtis plays Donna with unabashed, alcohol-fueled hysteria: in every scene she’s in, we realize how brutal, emotional, cruel, and unpredictable her home was. (Curtis is a practicing member of the 12-step community, so she’s well-versed in behaviors that drive people crazy.)

It’s an over-the-top performance that seemed like For Your Consideration’s least subtle compliment (it worked!), but it’s also a compelling portrayal of the main qualifier of a broken family.

What is a qualifier? In Al-Anon, it is usually a parent or child who brought you into the rooms, whose own addiction was severe enough to alter your behavior into something equally unmanageable. Many of the patterns of growing up in a dysfunctional, alcoholic home are constantly displayed in Bear They’re pretty typical. In addition to the ongoing anger that surrounds Carmy like a red fog every time he puts on a white chef’s coat, there are also more subtle manifestations of the familiar disease within him: self-sabotage, insecurity, hypersensitivity. And then there’s the pain. Most of the Al-Anon members I interact with have pain in their bones.

But it is Bear The first Al-Anon TV show ever? A quick Google search for “Al-Anon on TV shows” doesn’t yield many results, except one. Unsurprisingly, Chris Storer, the showrunner and creator of Bearis an enthusiastic member of the ACA club. He had He gave himself away Don while doing press for season 1.

When I was growing up, my family was a little bit complicated. There were people with mental issues and addictions in my family. I go to Al-Anon all the time. I’m still dealing with this as an adult and looking for healthy ways to address it. Some of the same thoughts that I felt about my family I noticed in a lot of toxic work environments. Nobody sets out, I don’t think, to create a complicated workplace. Especially in kitchens, you realize that they were probably mistreated by someone, they probably learned this, they probably have something that they’re not dealing with. In this particular kitchen, one of the things that we really wanted to discuss was that Carmy has seen these kitchens, she’s been in some of these toxic workplaces, and she’s like, “I’m not going to do that.” But she’s also trying to fix this restaurant initially for all the wrong reasons. Inherently, those two ideas are going to be fighting each other. And for Sydney to come here, to come from such a positive place, to really want to learn something, only to ultimately fall into the dark, chaotic nature of this restaurant, told me something about the disease of addiction and some of the toxins that run through families.

“Fishes” affected a lot of people I know on the show, some of whom couldn’t watch the whole thing for fear of having a panic attack from flashbacks to their own family adventures with forks. (My own anger was unleashed when a Fak appeared in every episode of Season 3. I wanted to throw a drawer full of forks at the TV every time they appeared.)

In the Season 3 episode “Legacy,” Carmy is back in the rooms, very focused on the main actions of the day. There’s talk of unattainable apologies. There’s talk of frustration when the addict gets sober and loved ones are left with the hurt. “It seems easy to apologize. It’s just a couple of simple words,” one member says.

The Lost Boys are always at a loss for apologies: how to give them and accept them. Carmy fits the bill, but has no idea where to begin. Does he start with Claire or Richie? Or Syd? Or maybe his entire staff?

But the perfect encapsulation of what it feels like to be the child of an alcoholic comes in the Season 3 episode “Ice Chips,” where Sugar and her mother are finally reunited in the maternity ward—but not without Natalie telling her exactly the effect her upbringing had:

“I feel like everyone is mad at me all the time. I ask people too much if they’re okay. If someone starts to feel bad, I start to feel bad. I feel alone. Or ugly. Or like I’m in trouble. I feel like Pete is going to leave me. I always put you first.”

Donna first takes it as a compliment, but then finally realizes that it isn’t. She accepts and acknowledges Sugar’s pain. It’s the closest thing to… Bear has come to have some of the characters “making peace”, but perhaps there will be more in season 4. But Bear Would it win any prizes if everyone stopped screaming and finally hugged each other? Not everyone can be. Ted Lasso.

BEAR – SEASON 3: WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW

I can’t get enough ofBearSeason 3? For more scoop, analysis, GIFs, and close-ups of Carmy’s arms, check out some highlights from Jugo Mobile’s coverage:

Bear Full Season 3 Review: Carmy Secures Her Position as President of the Tortured Chef Department
Bear Season 3 Episode 1 Recap: “Tomorrow”
Bear Season 3 Episode 2 Recap: “Next”
Bear Season 3 Episode 3 Recap: “Doors”
Bear Season 3 Episode 4 Recap: “Violet”
Bear Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: “Kids”
Bear Season 3 Episode 6 Recap: “Napkins”
Bear Season 3 Episode 7 Recap: “Legacy”
Bear Season 3 Episode 8 Recap: “Ice Chips”
Bear Season 3 Episode 9 Recap: “Apologies”
Bear Season 3 Episode 10 Recap: “Forever”
I came across the Chicago Tribune’s restaurant review of “The Bear,” the Windy City’s hottest new restaurant.
Bear Season 3 Ending Explained: Does Carmy and Sydney’s Restaurant Survive?
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